


The Words You Left Behind

by ChiisaChan



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, It might brake your heart, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, You might cry, but in a good way, changki rise, prepare tissues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 10:27:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18118952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiisaChan/pseuds/ChiisaChan
Summary: "If I can't be there on Changkyuns next birthday, can you please give him my last present?"





	The Words You Left Behind

“Changkyun-ah! You really should come over! Hyung will cook your favorite meal and we could watch one of the movies you like so much, or play your favorite game! Or we can go somewhere, wherever you like!”

“Aww you guys are so cute~” Changkyun answered with a quiet chuckle. “But you know, actually I'm already buying some groceries because my family is coming over and my mum will cook for us.”

“Your family…? Are you sure? I mean…”

“Aish, why don’t you believe me?” he asked, his voice sounding as if he was pouty, but with a giggle at the end. “Should I send you a picture when they arrived?” he offered to convince his friend. It worked.

After a huge sigh was heard on the other end of the line, he heard him say, “No, you don't need to do that. Give them our greetings and have a nice evening okay?”

“I will, don’t worry.”

He touched the red round button on the screen and ended the call.

While he stuffed the phone back into his pocket, a long sigh left his lips as well and he focused back on the shelf in front of him, filled with all kinds of ramen.

“What will we get this evening,” he mumbled to himself and tried to pick a flavour he haven’t had recently. Yeah, he lied. His family isn't coming since they are living in a different country and he assured them that he wouldn't have time for them if they would come.

He walked to the cashier and paid after he decided for some ramen and sweets. Just as he was about to grab the door to leave the convenience store, it already got pushed open by a sweet and love-drunk couple, glued to each other and chuckling non-stop.

For a moment he stood still and watched how they picked out snacks together, probably for their date, and remembered how he used to be in that situation. Standing there in front of exactly the same shelf where the couple stood now, with his love in his arms, looking for snacks they would eat while watching their favorite movies.

As the cashier asked him if everything was okay, he quickly shook his head to eliminate his thoughts and left the shop.

With one hand in his trousers’ pocket and the other holding onto the plastic bag he just got, he strolled home, playing with every little stone on his way, kicking them continuously.

From time to time he dared to look at the sky, his eyes wandering around as if they were searching for something, and when he couldn't find it, he looked at the ground again.

A shaky sigh left his lungs as he was close to tears, and he tried to comfort himself by quietly repeating “Don’t think about it Kyun, don’t think about it.”

When a little butterfly crossed his path and distracted him from his thoughts, he actually succeeded in suppressing the tears. Mesmerized by the beautiful colors it had, he watched how it took its time to orbit around him, and then flew away.

As it was out of his sight, Changkyun continued his way as well, somehow feeling a little bit lighter now, until he reached his home, a pretty run-down apartment building with his door on the second floor.

He walked up the stairs, entered his flat, took his shoes off and placed the keys on the little shelf to his left before he walked into the kitchen. He stopped halfway through the door frame as he spotted something on the little dining table.

His mouth and eyes widened, the plastic bag fell on the ground in front of him and one hand grabbed the wooden frame for some support. He stared at what laid on the table, completely frozen, even holding his breath.

After his brain started to work again, the tears already rolled down his cheeks and he hurried forward, stumbled over the bag and was fighting to hold his balance until he almost crashed onto the table.

He sunk down to the ground, holding onto the table, making sure to not fall completely when he realized that his mind wasn't pulling pranks on him. There really was a letter in the middle of it, his name written on the envelope in a way too familiar handwriting, and a pink rose beside it. 

The first sobs already escaped when he screamed in despair, “No! No, no, no no! That can't be!”  
He saw with his own eyes how the love of his life left him, so why, why was that on his table?

“Impossible!” he mumbled, quieter now, but when he lifted his head just enough for his eyes to be able to look over the edge of the table; it’s still laid there. He quickly shut his eyes and looked down again, trying to control the wave of feelings that tried to drown him.

Sadness, fear, desperation, anger and pain - hope, facilitation and happiness, so many bad as well as good feelings rolled over him at the same time. He didn't know how to handle them, didn’t know how to breathe anymore.

So many questions popped up in his mind as well. He already was a mess before he even touched the envelope. 

He knew that he needed to get a hold of himself again. He knew he needed to read the letter, knew there was a reason for it to be there. But it wasn't that easy.

He crouched on the ground for a little bit longer, one sob after another left his lips while it looked as if the tears would never stop. Continuously trying to wipe them away, the endless tears slowly started to annoy him.

The desire to read that letter got stronger and stronger, but with the tears blurring his vision it was impossible to see anything. It annoyed him, that he wasn't able to control himself. It was just so hard to do so, when all the feelings he avoided for so long came back now.

Hands that rubbed his eyes and face, ruffled his hair and carefully slapped his cheeks, tried to help him and calm down. At least it was enough for him to finally manage to stand up and grab the envelope.

He didn't looked at it, but only hold on to it and started to walk back and forth in his little kitchen, trying to not break under the picture his mind showed him, the picture of how the words on the thin piece of paper inside the envelope were written down by the weak hands of his love.

Thinking of what his love must have felt while writing it.

After he managed to not lose his mind again, shaking breathes constantly leaving his lungs, he slowly sat down on a chair beside the table where the pink rose still laid.

Taking his time, he opened the envelope with his shaking hands, pulled the paper out, carefully, slowly, as if it would crumble to dust if he wasn’t, and unfolded it.

Then, after some more sobs left his lips by seeing the handwriting, he started to read.  
  
  
  
  


_Dear Kyunnie,_

__

_I’m sure you didn’t expect to get a letter from me after such a long time, right?_

__

_I´m sorry I don´t know a better sentence to start this._

__

_I hope you´re doing fine? Eating properly and taking care of yourself like I taught you? Holding your promise to not give up on life?_

__

_Our friends told me they would have an eye on you, making sure you do all the things I just asked._

__

_The problem is, I know you too well. I know you´re hiding in your snail shell again after it was so hard to get you out of there. And the only way to get you out of there is to give you something you can love. Sadly, I can't be that one anymore._

__

_But you know what? Today is your birthday! As my last present, I will give you something you can love again. I´m sure right now you´re thinking that this is impossible, right? Please just trust me, like you always did. I know you will like and love it._

__

_Along with this letter you should have gotten a pink rose. Can you guess why? Probably._

__

_I just feel so much connection with it, the first moment I met you, the last moments I spent with you, and the in-between._

__

_I remember our first day as if it was yesterday, although it is already five years, 246 days, 16 hours, 20 minutes and 33 seconds ago._

__

_It was Valentine’s Day when I walked around in the park with my cart full of roses, selling them to the couples walking around hand in hand, or to the people who didn't make it in time to get something for their partner._

__

_Honestly, I never told you but I watched you for quite some time, how you sat there on that bench with a red rose in your hand, nervously checking the time again and again._

__

_I knew you were waiting for your date, but thank god, it never came._

__

_I can still clearly see how you threw the rose away the moment a bird pooped on your shoulder. And as if this wasn't enough already, when you cursed and followed the bird for a few steps, you stepped right onto a dog pile. You really had such a bad day. I still have to laugh about that, I´m sorry._

__

_But when I approached you with a cloth, helped you to clean yourself and gave you a big bunch of pink roses after, you actually smiled at me. It was a simple smile, showing how confused you were about getting so many roses from a stranger, but for me it was the most beautiful one I ever saw. I haven't told you that, right?_

__

_From then on you changed and would surprised me with pink roses whenever you got a chance, on our first week anniversary, the three and six months anniversary and our first year. The first time you cooked for me, the day we moved in together. Even now, you give me such a rose every day when you visit me in that white and cold place._

__

_I´m looking at them the whole time you´re not around and they keep the fear away from me. Seeing them, I feel warm inside and remember all the happy moments we had together, remember that thanks to you, the last years were the best of my life and everything I wished for._

__

_Thank you, Changkyun._

__

_Thank you for being with me until the end, and for letting me go without any regrets._

__

_Now, I want to do one last thing for you, so do me a favor and follow the pink roses on the way to our favorite place, the park where we first met and walked through so often after, hand in hand._  
  
  
  
  


__

__

Releasing the breath Changkyun was holding the whole time he needed to read, he laid the letter down on the table and buried his face in his hands, fought once again for some air while the sobs tried to suffocate him.

Rubbing his puffy eyes with his palms, he took his time to process what exactly was happening right now.

Was that really true? He wasn’t just dreaming? He lowered his hands so he could see again and looked at the pink rose in front of him, grabbed it and pressed his thumb against one of its thorns. 

When he felt the pain, he jumped up and run out of his apartment, with the rose still in his hand.

On the way to his destination, the park, Changkyun found one rose after another and picked them all up. Each one had a little card with a handwritten message attached to it, thanking him for little things that happened in the past, or telling him what he should do in the future.

The last one he picked up before he would reach the bench they used to always sit on, asked him, “Are you ready to meet the new love of your live?”

From where he stood now, he could already see the bench and a big white box on it.

This time, he wasn't in a hurry, he walked as slowly as he could, fully aware that in this box, the last message would wait for him. The last words he would ever receive from his love.

He didn't wanted that moment to end.

Nevertheless, he continued walking, one step after another, ignoring his legs that wanted to give in. When only three steps were left, he took a deep breath, holding it until he was greeted by the most beautiful blue eyes he ever saw, belonging to a tiny kitten sitting on a heap of pink petals in that white box.

“You're kidding, right?” he laughed even though the tears kept rolling down his cheeks. He looked up to the sky and shouted, “I wanted a dog!” remembering the day they were in a pet shop and fought over what animal they should get.

As a response, he got to hear a little “Meow,” from the gorgeous creature in front of him.

“Hey, Beautiful,” he whispered as he sat down beside the box and carefully picked the tiny cat up. It instantly started to purr and when he positioned it in front of his face, examined it with eyes already full of love, the little cat placed one paw on his nose and meowed again.

Changkyun just had to chuckle about how cute that was and then carefully laid it down on his shoulder, hold it with one hand while his free one searched for another letter in the box, and he found it.  
  
  
  
  


_Say hello to Miss Sparkle!_

__

__

_I know you wanted a dog, but I won't let this ever happen. Not even now._  
  
  


__

__

Changkyun laughed. “I never understood what you had against dogs…but I can understand why you loved cats so much…” he said as he pressed a kiss to the head of the little kitten.  
  
  


_You know, when you give her as much love as you gave me, she will love you as much as I did, and I promise you won't feel that lonely anymore._

__

__

_Changkyunnie, please, take care of her, and of yourself as well._

__

__

_Please, don't hide. Come out of your little house and live your life again._

__

__

_Live your life for the both of us and try to be happy again, for me._

__

__

_I will wait for you up here, but to be honest, I don’t want to see you that soon, okay?_

__

__

_Take your time and enjoy it, I want to hear a lot of stories when we will meet again._

__

__

_Lastly, please know that I did always love you with every fiber of my being, I still do, and will always do._

__

__

_Don't worry, I know it's the same for you._

__

__

_Thank you once again, for everything._

__

__

_Until we see each other again. Maybe in this life, maybe in another. But I believe we will._

_____ _

_____ _

_Your Kihyun_  
  
  
  
  


__

__

“Yeah, until we see each other again,” Changkyun whispered as he put the letter back into the box.

Honestly, he felt like breaking apart, wanted to cry and scream like little kids always do, but he couldn't.

He was holding something in his arms he needed to protect from now on, so he pulled himself together and tried to calm down by cuddling and kissing the precious little creature.

“Don´t worry, I won't call you Miss Sparkle…I will call you…Aiko,” Changkyun thought for a moment and then nodded to himself before he continued, “Yes, that’s a good name. It's perfect for you.”

As if she could understand him, Aiko meowed again and pressed her head against his cheek, eager to get even more love than he had just given to her.

He sat there like this for quite some time, thinking about everything that had just happened, thinking about all the feelings he held right now, until he pulled his phone out and dialed the number of the friend he talked to earlier.

It didn't take long until the call was answered, “Changkyun? What´s up? Is everything alright?”

“H-Hey… can…can you pick me up…? I can't… carry everything by myself…”  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hello~<3
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read my story! I really hope you like it? I would be very happy if you would share your thoughts with me through the comments <3
> 
> Also, I'm not that good with choosing tags, so if I forgot something or made it wrong, feel free to tell me~
> 
> Thank you!


End file.
